Walmart Solves Mass Shooting Problem By Banning Sale of Flags

Carolina – Shopping mega-chain Wallmart has today resisted pressure from the public, who are calling on the supermarket to remove guns from its shelves in response to last week’s mass shooting in Charleston.

“I think everyone just needs to take a breath for a second and think about what they’re saying,” said a representative for Wallmart when contacted by the Sauce. “We’ve already made the very sensible and practical move of removing the confederate flag from shelves as a public response to last week’s tragedy, but I think we can all agree it would be a very long stretch to now try and somehow link our sale of guns to this unrelated debate about mass shootings.”