Turnbull Looking Forward to Leading Liberal Party to Crushing Defeat
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

Incumbent Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has thanked friends and supporters following today’s leadership spill, saying he is honored and deeply humbled to be chosen to lead the Liberal Party to a crushing defeat at the ballot box.

“I’d just like to thank everyone who made this possible,” said a teary eyed Malcolm. “Joe Hockey for that horrible budget, Chris Pyne for getting every young person in the country off side, Julie Bishop for attacking the Labor Party so ruthlessly that she couldn’t possibly challenge a sitting PM, and of course, most of all I’d like to thank Tony, because without him, there never would have been a Liberal leader so incompetent that they would make my my previous time at the helm look good by comparison.”

It is hoped by many in the party that Turnbull’s tenure as leader will turn around the party’s ailing approval ratings, which have plummeted in the latest newspoll to their lowest point since 2009, when the party was struggling under the fumbling and unpopular leadership of Malcolm Turnbull.

Outgoing Prime Minister Tony Abbott was gracious in defeat, saying there would be no hard feelings between himself and the power hungry twat who unseated him. “I can’t deny I’m disappointed,” said Tony to the press following the ballot, “but in the end the party has decided it’s Malcolm they want leading them to a wipeout at the next election and I will respect that. I’m just grateful for the fact that I found time to give Prince Harry a knighthood last night, right before I lost the job. I think that’s a legacy any statesman could be proud of.”