Tony Abbott Shows Support For Mining Industry By Eating Lump of Coal

Prime Minister and Minister for Nutrition, Tony Abbott, has today reaffirmed his ongoing support for Australia’s Mining industry, by eating a whole lump of coal.

In a move which his supporters are describing as “necessary to fuel him”, Abbott stunned the gathered media and press during a visit to the Galilee Basin in Queensland, by picking up a lump of coal and gleefully biting into it.

Abbott has a long and storied history with coal, which in many places is considered ‘not a food’. It is widely documented that Abbott regularly received coal as a gift on Christmas, and many believe that this has nurtured the Prime Minister’s fondness for the Mining industry, as well as his hatred for elderly men wearing red, such as Bill Shorten.

Abbott explained his move as one which showed his complete support of the Australian Mining industry, as it underlined his claim that Australia has “the best coal in the world”.

“I’ve always been a huge supporter of coal”, said Abbott, in between mouthfuls of the carbon-based substance.

“Ever since I was a child, I have subsisted on a diet of raw coal and raw onions. So I know a good lump of coal when I eat one”.

“This coal is better than any other coal I’ve tasted for a long time. I’d say it’s the best in the world. Certainly the best in the lower Asia-Pacific region”.

“With this coal, not only can we provide fuel for our allies and for Australia’s future, we can do so deliciously”.

Abbott is hopeful that the move will not only help boost the profile of Mining across the nation, but will also provide a lifeline to Australia’s flagging ‘Coal-based Cookbooks’ industry.

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4 Responses

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  1. Floyd Emerson
    Mar 15, 2015 - 05:14 PM

    They don’t call it the COALition for nothing.

    • Phil
      Mar 15, 2015 - 07:42 PM

      Nice one! :)

  2. Jack
    Mar 15, 2015 - 07:53 PM

    I think he’s misunderstood the meaning of the “paleo” diet

  3. Lisa Parrey
    Mar 16, 2015 - 10:31 PM

    So love this. Well written and love the innuendos, clear and concise not so over written that they are lost. Well done!!

    As a Business student and currently studying Economics, it is so annoying to know that the Federal Government is not run like a household budget, it is supposed to be in deficit and surplus leads to inflation and unemployment. There is supposed to be a deficit as it avoids a recession, which is what Labour did with the stimulus package. It was exactly that, supposed to encourage spending to prevent a recession and it worked. Abbott and Hocking are out rightly lying by insinuating the country is run like a household and playing on people’s ignorance. We are a sovereign county and can print our own currency. We cannot go broke and we do not owe the world bank billions of dollars, that is the private sector not the Federal Government.


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