Abbott, seen here pictured with the entirety of his public support

Tony Abbott Secures Highly Influential ‘Students Who Play Rugby League’ Vote

Prime Minister Tony Abbott has taken a huge stride towards his re-election chances by securing the vote of the highly influential ‘Students who play Rugby League’ demographic.

Following his sculling of a schooner of beer at a Sydney pub over the weekend, Abbott has seen a sharp rise in his poll numbers in the key voting demo, and has moved from “universally hated” to “only mostly hated” in the latest national poll of people 30 and under.

Abbott, who surprised punters and the general public on Saturday by consuming something that isn’t a raw onion, is hopeful that the tens of votes he has now secured will provide enough momentum to eventually keep him in the top job.

“Obviously, I have had a bit of a tough time of it in the polls recently”, said the Prime Minister, while yelling into a Karaoke microphone. “People have not been very happy with the policies I have introduced, the comments I have made, or the people I have indirectly tortured. But by downing this schooner of beer, I am sure they will all be back on my side”.

“The numbers speak for themselves. If I can convince a pub full of 22 year old students that I am a cool guy, I’m pretty sure I can convince the entire nation I should remain their leader”.

This episode is the latest attempt by Abbott to improve his public image and persona, in a long-standing campaign designed to make him look more like “that cool uncle you have who enjoys having a drink with the boys”, and less like “that astonishingly rich man who essentially holds your future in his cold and surprisingly bony hands”.

Abbott’s detractors have spoken out against his latest actions, which seem to go against the comments he made under a year ago about curbing Australia’s binge drinking culture. The claims of hypocrisy, however, have not fazed the Prime Minister.

“When I said early last year that we need to change Australia’s attitude towards binge drinking, I meant that the general public should change their behaviour. Obviously, none of that extends to politicians”.

Despite the criticism, the Prime Minister remains confident that, to the voters, his ability to drink 425 millilitres of alcohol in 6 seconds far outweighs his inability to govern the nation properly.

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