Australian Prime Minister and licensed Barmy Army™ membership holder Tony Abbott has today announced that, in his ongoing efforts to get the British monarchy to like him, he has legally adopted Prince Charles as his son.
The move comes just days after Abbott, in his annual Australia Day honours, granted a knighthood to Prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh, who eagle-eyed readers may notice, is in fact both a Prince and a Duke.
In a statement written underneath an English muffin, the Prime Minister has described how he is overjoyed with the latest addition to the Abbott clan.
“Obviously, I am thrilled to finally have a son. I’ve always wanted a son, to whom I can pass on my extensive and well-researched knowledge on how to be a real man, whether it be fishing, or wrestling, or just being an all-round top bloke”.
“My daughters never really had the patience to sit with me and learn how to be top blokes who treat everyone with decency and respect. But I guess that’s women for you.”
“I’ve had a chance to sit and chat with the boy, and I’m sure we’ll get on famously. He particularly liked the toys I brought for him, and I’m sure he’ll handle those state assets responsibly.”
“The fact that my son happens to be the Prince of Wales is just a bonus. I will, of course, gladly accept any position within the monarchy which comes from this, but my priority is to ensure that Charlie has a good upbringing and is surrounded by people who love him, and more importantly, love the archaic system of government he represents. Fortunately, I can definitely do at least one of those things”.