Tony Abbott Claims Being Tortured Is A ‘Lifestyle Choice’

Prime Minister Tony Abbott has today launched a staunch defence of Australia’s recent human rights record, claiming that all of the people who have been tortured recently have simply made a ‘lifestyle choice’ to do so.

Despite facing heavy criticism from the United Nations over his administration’s treatment of refugees, Abbott is adamant that the refugees themselves are to blame for ‘all of the torture they are making us do to them’.

“Look, it’s very easy to say that it’s wrong for us to put these people, many of whom are children, through literal hell in the detention centres and camps we operate. But I don’t think we’re the ones to blame. It’s clearly their own fault for choosing to be so torture-able”, said Abbott, at a press conference held inside a dimly-lit 2×2 holding cell.

“Obviously, they are choosing to be forcibly held in these centres and be subjected to sub-human living conditions. If they wanted to avoid all of that, they could always just be really rich or really white. But they choose not to be”.

“I’ve always thought getting tortured was more of a lifestyle choice than anything. In many ways, it’s similar to how I choose to discriminate against people and force them to do things they don’t want to. Why can’t the United Nations just respect my choices? They keep lecturing me about it. Talk about torture!”

“I can’t believe the United Nations isn’t giving us any credit for the work we’ve done in accepting the refugees’ choice to be tortured. Frankly, it’s ridiculous.”

The Prime Minister’s latest comments follow on from the ones he made on Tuesday, when he stated that the Indigenous people who live in remote communities are making a ‘lifestyle choice’ to do so. Abbott has revealed that he plans to consolidate all of his opinions on refugees and the Indigenous people of Australia into one book, tentatively titled “Lifestyle Choices Of The People I Am Richer Than”.