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Tom Waterhouse opens new market on which horse will die first in 2015 Cup

Never one to miss out on an opportunity, Tom Waterhouse has opened a new betting market on which horse will die first in the 2015 Cup, following the carnage at Flemington racecourse Tuesday that left two racehorses dead.

“I know what punters want – that’s why I took my face out of my own ads,” says Waterhouse, “and we’ve seen that punters want more choice. This is a breakthrough in exploiting gambling addicts.”

Titled ‘Dead Last’, the new market is being billed by TomWaterhouse.com as “the bloodsport of kings”.

However many have criticised the obnoxious bookmaker, with one animal rights activist saying the betting company couldn’t sink any lower. Waterhouse rejected the assertion, stating “I don’t think I have sunk to my lowest, in fact I’m about to launch a new betting market ‘Can Tom Waterhouse sink any lower?’. I was born a Waterhouse after all.”

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  1. jonah Stiffhausen
    Apr 13, 2015 - 01:14 PM

    Er, may I suggest all would be satirists get hold of some Private Eyes circa 1960s and 70s if trying to be funny.

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