3 Year Scientific Study Disproves the Scientific Method   •   Bank Safely Invests Customers' Money In Giant Neon Sign   •   Grandmother's Web-Browser Now 90% Addon Bars   •   30 Students Shot in Detroit's Worst Ever School Photograph   •   Copy-Cat Burglar Caught Licking Own Anus   •   Shocking Report: 98% of Internet Users Born on January 1st 1900   •   Math Genius Wonder-Kid To Attend University Short on Calculators   •   Aussie Dollar Plummets Below Sofa   •   New Study Finds X% of People Confused by Roman Numerals   •   Pope Marries Couple in First Ever Vatican Threesome   •   Nerd Takes Off Glasses, Makes Amazing Transformation Into Shortsighted Nerd   •   Climate Scientists Begin Researching Personal Bunkers   •   Geologist Buys "Geologists Rock" T-Shirt to Impress His Many Rocks   •   Report: So Called "Body Shop" Actually Just Full of Soap   •   Record Store Day Drives Worldwide Boost in the Sale of Record Stores   •   Sick Man Keeps Best Friend on Leash, Feeds Table Scraps   •   Pretentious Person Unaware Rock-Melon Can Be Referred To As Cantaloupe   •   Trans-Siberian Railway Sick of People Confusing Its Gender Pronouns   •   Failing California Marijuana Shop Suspected to be a Front For VCR Dealer   •   Man Goes Without Sex for Year, Reportedly Not For Charity   •   New Quantum Computer Touted To Prevent Future Cat-In-Box Deaths   •   Person Deriding Communism Cites Free Collaborative Encyclopedia   •   Opinion: I may be a narcissists, but I'm damn good at it   •   Somali Pirates Flood Market With Low Quality Ship Knockoffs   •   Pigeon Jailed For Planning Coo   •   Three Year Scientific Study Concludes Hamsters Do Not Taste of Ham   •   All work and no play makes the headline writer a dull boy. All work and no play makes the headline writer a dull boy. All work and no play makes the headline writer a dull boy. All work and no play makes the headline writer a dull boy.
Daily Telegraph Headline Generator


The Daily Telegraph has always been a bastion of independent news.

Who can forget their unbiased "Kick This Mob Out" front page, or their story about how The Greens were at war with Christmas.

Unfortunately for us satirists, News Corp is struggling to make money these days on account of the internet being full of 'fact checking' liberals. So we thought we'd give them a helping hand by letting them finally fire all those expensive writers.

These covers are randomly generated using mindless machines, and may not have any truth behind them at all. So really they're exactly like the Telie in every way.