Shannon Noll Waits By Phone In Case Guy Sebastian Gets Sick Before Eurovision

Former Australian Idol Runner-Up and ‘Gender-Neutral Names’ advocate, Shannon Noll, has declared himself ‘waiting’ and ‘ready’ to jump in and take over from Guy Sebastian, should the former Australian Idol Winner and ‘Gender-Strict Names’ advocate fall sick before his performance at the Eurovision Song Contest this week.

Noll, who is widely regarded across Australia as “definitely not as good as Guy Sebastian”, has spoken of his willingness to fill in for his one-time rival should the need arise, and of his excitement at potentially getting another shot at taking part in a vote-based singing competition.

“Obviously, I wish Guy all the best in the competition”, said Noll, into a microphone embedded within his Soul Patch. “But I’d like to officially let the organizers of the competition and the Australian Government know that I’m here to take over in case anything happens to him. Uh, not that anything is going to happen to him of course”.

“I have a lot of experience in being the second-choice of a nation to Guy, and I know I can use that wealth of experience to be a capable replacement in everyone’s affections here. I hope Australia can send me their love, in much the same way I have sent a ‘Good Luck!’ package to Guy’s dressing room”.

Noll spoke candidly about how he can use his experience of the format to his advantage, and of how people fall sick “all the time” and nobody should jump to any conclusions.

“I’ve always felt that I’m at my best when I’m singing for people’s texts and calls. Unfortunately, despite there being more singing competitions in the country than necessary or inherently valuable to society, I have never been allowed to enter another one after Idol. So the opportunity to take  part in another competition is one I am eagerly looking forward to. I mean, if Guy falls sick that is. Not saying he will. Just saying, you can’t be resistant to every virus, can you?”

Noll is hopeful that, should he not make it to this year’s event, he will be given the chance to take up the mantle for Australia in next year’s competition, despite heavy interest in the gig.

“I would be happy to sing for Australia in next year’s event. I know there are a lot of talented singers vying for the opportunity, but I’m confident I will be the only choice for the organizers. I just hope Casey Donovan got that package I sent her”