Rolf Harris Warned to Stop Groping Female Prosecutor
Courtroom sketch of Harris released by the crown magistrate.

This post by Peter Green originally appeared in the UnAustralian.

Beleaguered three legged entertainer Rolf Harris has today been chided for slipping his hand up the skirt of crown prosecutor Sasha Wass during the 82 year old wobble board operator’s ongoing trial for indecent assault.

“What’s a guy to do”, said Harris, unperturbed. “It’s obvious that Sasha is coming onto me. She talks to me more than to any other man in the room and she must have been stalking me on the internet because she knows all this stuff that I’ve done on the past.”

Harris later tried to deny ever having been in the courtroom at all. In reply to the judges assertion that “you’re sitting in the courtroom right now, with your hand on Ms Wass’s left boob”, Harris replied that “I’ve been in so many courtrooms that you can’t expect me to remember each one.”

Harris had earlier in the day attempted to escape by distracting the bailiff by informing him that if he wanted to take some pictures of the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches of the boys who put the powder on the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus, they were just passing by. When the bailiff raced to the window Harris leaped out of the witness box and would have gotten away if his third leg hadn’t snagged itself on his box of paints.

The bearded singer and kangaroo bondage merchant has based his defence upon singing his old hits in court in the hope that the jury will find him too lovable to find him guilty. This defence has proven risky in similar cases, such as when actor Robert Hughes performed a whole episode from the sitcom “Hey Dad” in his trial, prompting the jury to recommend that the judge add a further ten years to his sentence.