Rolf Harris To Represent Australia at This Year’s Eurovision Song Contest

Aussie expat and convicted felon Rolf Harris has expressed “delight and excitement” today at news that the 84 year old singer, painter and sex predator will represent Australia at the upcoming Eurovision song contest. The news was released late today by SBS and Eurovision organisers following an agreement with British authorities that will allow Harris to leave his British jail-cell temporarily, on the condition that his place is taken by Peter Andre for the duration of his release.

Although now a despised figure in both Australia and Britain, organisers for Team Australia say they had to look past Harris’s depraved personal life and consider him on artistic merit alone when selecting for the role. “When it came down to it, we just couldn’t find a better Australian entertainer to represent the country at the world’s biggest music competition.” says Team Australia President Sheila Wooloomooloo, “As a convicted criminal he’s the perfect representative of Australia in Europe, and his hackneyed Australian persona, complete with references to Kangaroos and Wobbleboards, is so ridiculous and tacky that it will look right at home at Eurovision.”

Other contestants considered to represent Australia included Kylie Minogue, Dannii Minogue, or even the third Minogue who nobody’s ever heard of.

A long line of former Idol contestants were also rumoured to be in the running, though organisers deny they were ever considered seriously. “Rolph Harris is one thing,” said Sheila defensively, “but I think letting people like Shannon Noll or Milsy represent our country on the world stage would have clearly been a step too far.”