Pyne begs for extension on uni deregulation, claims dog ate original bill
Education Minister Christopher Pyne.

Education Minister Christopher Pyne has this morning begged the Senate to grant him an extension on legislation calling for the deregulation of the higher education system.

Minister Pyne explained that he had, “finished it, honest,” and that a series of unfortunate events were the reason for it’s delay.

“Well what happened was, first of all my printer wasn’t working. You know what it’s like. How expensive is ink these days? That’s Labor’s fault by the way. You may as well buy a new printer. Might talk to Joe about that. Anyway finally got it printed. Then I leave it on my table and you wouldn’t believe it, the dog jumps up and eats it. I really feel sorry for the cross-benches ‘cause they would have totally loved it. Definitely would have passed the Senate,” explained Minister Pyne.

Representatives from the cross-benchers confirmed they did not in fact believe the story.

Minister Pyne shot back blaming scheduling.

“It’s Parliament’s fault. I didn’t know it was due this week. I get confused thinking it was week 7 when it was week 8. The Parliamentary outline is not clear at all.”

Further allegations were made that Minister Pyne had plagiarised his ideas from the US system.

However, Minister Pyne said he would be able to provide a doctor’s certificate and that would also explain the delay.

“Yes I know I said the dog ate it, and that remains true. But then he was sick so I’ll be getting him a doctor’s certificate. Well which will actually be a vet’s certificate. But I was also sick as well. So I’ll get two certificates and a new a printer and…”

At this stage an advisor interrupted Mr Pyne.

“What do you mean I have to pay $7 to go to the doctor?!”

Minister Pyne’s dog defended eating the legislation claiming it was “a lifestyle choice.”