One Direction Joke Writes Itself

Following the news that teen heartthrob Zayn Malik has left the popular boyband One Direction, a One Direction joke has reportedly written itself in the early hours of Thursday morning. Claiming that its punchline “makes reference to the fact they’re now going in TWO directions”, the joke looked smug as it answered questions from the media.

“Sometimes the conditions are just right,” said the joke. “You read a news article or hear a story and you just think ’this is going to be perfect’ – it’s like the planets align or something you know? It’s totally out of this world. Get it? Out of this world?”

The joke said that it had been preparing to make some sort of One Direction based punchline for a long time. “The One Direction joke business is a hard one to be in. There just aren’t any jobs going at the moment. All the ‘they’re gay’ jokes, the ‘they’re terrible’ jokes, the ‘they’re girls’ jokes, the ‘they’re 12 jokes’, they’ve all been done. Some people can manage to make it big, like my buddy ‘One Erection’, but for a joke starting out in comedy, One Direction is a tough place to be. That’s why when I saw this opportunity, I took it.”

The joke admitted that it was not as subtle or intelligent as some other One Direction jokes, but that it was making up for it by delivering itself loudly and many, many times, to make sure everybody heard it.

While the story of the joke has been trending on twitter with the hashtag #IAmTwoDirections, not all in the industry are behind the joke and its story. The Comedians’ Union, Satirists’ Union and the Suuuure, Of COURSE We Have a Sarcasm Union have pushed back, saying that jokes writing themselves could spell the end for their industry. In a statement, Australian Minister for Humour, Jokes and Ridicule Bill Shorten said “I ask these jokes that are reportedly writing themselves to think about the wider effects of this movement. Think of all the comedians that are going to go more hungry than they usually would. Think of all the satirists that are going to have to turn to actual journalism. This matter concerns more than just the jokes themselves. This is a selfish decision, and I’m very disappointed.”

“Hi disappointed, I’m Dad” said the head of the Comedians’ Union.

The joke told the media that it hoped by sharing its story, it might inspire other potential jokes to write themselves as well. “I say to the young jokes out there, you don’t need a comedian to write you! You can write yourself! What are you doing, sitting there at home watching the TV? You’re a joke!”