North Korea Threatens to Continue Detonating Nation’s Money
The UN security council will convene to vote on new carpet this Monday.

In a strongly worded press release issued today, North Korea’s ruling elite sent their harshest condemnation yet of joint South Korean-American military training exercises taking place off the coast of North Korea. In a message that was broadcast across state media and posted on various online news portals, the Hermit Nation warned they would be forced to detonate “a twelve-gigatonne pile of money” if these military exercises fail to cease.

Analysts in the US are reportedly taking the threat very seriously, noting that satellite monitoring had confirmed that the North had been transporting significant stockpiles of money to a large underground bunker since March, in a manner that the US had long suspected could be linked to an underground detonation. However, despite the potential threat, the military exercises are expected to continue, due to the US’s long standing policy of not negotiating with people they antagonise.

A special session of the United Nations security council has been hastily convened to respond to the escalation in rhetoric, with monetary sanctions being proposed to hamper any further chance of the North blowing it up. The US in particular is pushing for these restraints, with one White House official commenting “With all this detonation of money on a regular basis, we are beginning to suspect our aid funding isn’t actually being spent on food for the Korean people.” However, it is highly likely that any attempt by the UN to reprimand the North will be vetoed by their long time ally China, a country known to be a strong supporter of the DPRK’s money detonation programme.