After the enormous amount of publicity from last weeks ‘Holocaust of jobs’ debacle, the Abbott government has controversially decided to continue to allow Tony Abbott to exist.
According to an anonymous member of the Abbott government, Tony Abbott’s existence, despite being a joke, is gaining valuable publicity for the liberal party. “Any publicity is good publicity” said our inside source “and that’s not just something failed actors say when accepting a reality TV role…just ask my daughter, she’s going to be on the next season of big brother.” he added before enthusiastically tapping a very conveniently placed copy of TV Week.
Although this ‘Pro-Tone’ Policy is only a very recent play, so far Tony has already used the word ‘genocide’ as a collective noun for school buses, inaccurately used the word ‘menorah’ as a synonym for arson, and even recommended an edgy new slogan for Sydney’s upcoming Bacon festival at this weeks tourism conference.
“Sydney’s bacon festival: Charlotte’s Web meets Schindler’s List – gold right?”
When asked whether or not he thought this would be upsetting to the Jewish community, he paused before responding to an audibly frustrated and offended crowd,
“Yes, but it’s a bacon festival. They probably weren’t going to come anyway? Right? Right?!?!”
Obviously ideologically opposed to publicity, Bill Shorten refused to comment on this political maneuver and asked for his refusal to be off the record before threatening to wipe everyone’s memory with a Neuralyzer – an ironically almost forgotten fictional device from the popular 90’s film Men In Black.
Tony Abbott will be continuing his ‘Pro-Tone’ publicity tour with the opening of Penrith’s new ‘9/11’ sized public swimming pool later this week.