New Victorian Government Looking Forward to Cocking Everything Up in Six to Eight Months

Incoming Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has taken time in his first speech as the state’s leader to thank supporters for their unwavering belief in the party, saying that the new government is looking forward to cocking everything up in the next six to eight months.

In his victory speech the Premier indicated he was deeply humbled to be replacing the Liberal government after their single term. Citing the large majority that Labor had won in the House, Andrews said that voters had “sent a very clear message that they wish to continue the trend of Premiers being kicked out of office before completing a single term”, and promised he would not let them down on this front.

Mr Andrews was joined on the stage by his soon to be estranged wife and children, as well as the many faithful colleagues who are no doubt looking forward to doing their bit in the Government’s downfall. Andrews also made a point of thanking the Unions for their support, re-stating his aim to end pay disputes in the state, for the benefit of news programs to replay in future months when he fails to deliver.

Mr Andrews said his government was ready to get straight to business running the state, and would begin working on undermining the electorate’s faith first thing tomorrow morning.