New Record Set as Home Buyer Pays $2.5 Million for Damp Box

The country’s auction market has once again broken records this weekend, raising fears at the RBA that nobody in Australia is actually listening to anything they say. Auctions yesterday hit an unprecedented clearance rate of 110% with properties that aren’t even for sale being snatched up for millions of dollars, surprising both analysts and home owners alike.

The booming market is seen as a mixed blessing for property owners, with rapidly inflating sales figures being offset by the rapidly inflating losses involved with having to buy another, probably more expensive house.

More and more former home owners are now instead opting for a lavish life of homelessness over purchasing new property, with the influx of wealthy boomers causing an explosion in the price of gutters over the last year. While record prices on waterfront drains have been a boon for the state’s waterworks, the gentrification of living in the gutter is seen as a growing problem for the country’s homeless, many of whom say they are struggling to keep up with the rising cost of being poor.

But the housing boom isn’t hurting everyone, with those in the real estate sector enjoying unprecedented commissions from skyrocketing house prices. “It really is amazing,” says Realty Agent L. J. Prostitute. “Just yesterday I made a $200,000 commission on the sale of a damp box by the side of the road, and I’ve just been tasked to sell a tarpaulin under a bridge that could very well beat that price again. If commissions like these keep up I might even be able to afford my own little damp box to retire in by the time I’m 60.”