A first-time mother has spoken out today about her disappointment that her new child is not nearly as interesting as the new Royal Baby.
Wanda Thompson, 27, had her first child on Saturday, a baby boy, in an act described by science as “the miracle of birth” and by Wanda as “I bet Kate did it better”.
“Sure, my baby is alright I guess”, said Wanda, while gently rocking a picture of Prince Charles back-and-forth in her arms.
“I mean, he just sits there, like a potato. He’s so boring. Not like the Royal Baby! The Royal Baby sits there like a queen!”
Wanda, a self-professed “Monarchy Hanger-On”, or “mo-ron”, describes the birth of the royal baby is a ‘joyous occasion’ for her entire family.
“Obviously, we are all thrilled at the news. In many ways, having a second royal baby to love and worship will change my life completely.”
When asked about what she will be calling her new son, Wanda had this to say:
“Who? Oh right, the baby. We’re thinking of waiting to see what they call the Royal Baby, and then call him that. I’d love it if my son was named after a Queen Anne, or a Queen Margaret, or a Queen Khaleesi”.