Australians across the country have taken to the streets in celebration today, after a small satirical website ended it’s long, self-imposed exile, and returned to the fray with a new article.
Millions of people are rejoicing at the long-awaited return of the online publication that roughly a few hundred people read on Facebook sometimes.
“I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would see this day”, said John Stevens, 92, fighting back tears in his eyes. “Ever since the Great War, I had hoped, but never truly believed, that I could one day look my grandchildren in the eye and say ‘It’s going to be alright’. With the return of The Sauce, that day is today”
“I was sitting at home staring at my toaster when I heard the news”, said Nancy Capelli, 27. “It was like one of those moments that will stick with you forever. People will ask ‘Where were you when you heard that The Sauce is back’. And I’ll tell them, ‘I was staring at my toaster'”.
Beaches, roads, and parks across Australia have been covered with confetti, ticker tape, and celebratory empty cans of beer, as millions of Australians expressed their gratitude and relief at the news.
“This is the greatest day of my life. I have a beer in my hand and The Sauce is back!!”, said Michael Lumb, 12.
The Government announced, in a spectacular ceremony which was simultaneously conducted across all of the major Australian cities, and also Hobart, that today would be declared a national holiday in honour of the reemergence of one of Australia’s top 30 satire publications. Prime Minister Abbott was quick to announce his approval of the occasion.
“Obviously, I have been a big target of The Sauce in the past. Despite that, I am glad that these guys are back to keep me in check whenever I say or do something silly, like eat a raw onion or turn the Melbourne CBD into a proto-Nazi paradise”, laughed Abbott.
We here at The Sauce thank everyone for their support, and we promise to do our best to lampoon and satirise the biggest news stories across Australia and the world. When we can find the time.