The Australian Parliament hasn’t seen the like since Joe ‘Hamster Cheeks’ Hockey offered up 702 lamingtons to accompany his all-staff address.
MPs cleared the floor of parliament only minutes into the debate on proposed metadata laws today, when an excited Liberal Party staff member asked to table the fact that Coles had slashed the price of its $6 Lamington Bites by 50%. “At $4 a pack, that’s a steal!”, Mr Hockey was head shouting as he sprinted from parliament house.
It was clearly a case of gut-retention over data-retention, as pandemonium descended on the chamber. Several MPs were seen surreptitiously pulling out their second mobile phones to Snapchat wives and loved ones about the bargain of the day. George Brandis looked furious as he made his way out. “I was under the impression that the sale didn’t start until Friday. [REDACTED] was clearly wrong when he told me in the strictest confidence!”
Only a few dedicated MPs resolutely stood their ground to continue the important discussion on metadata laws. The Prime Minister and Opposition Leader were clearly unimpressed. Heads bowed over their respective laptops, Tony Abbott and Bill Shorten were once again going head-to-head over matters of policy, as Bill announced “F6” with Tony unhappily replying “Hit! You sunk my submarine.”
In reality, remaining members cited coconut or lactose intolerance for the lack of interest, though one savvy MP who wished to remain anonymous said “I’m waiting for the recession to hit – they’ll be 75% off before you know it.”