Mississippi Just Glad It’s Not Australia Right Now
Many Mississippians were relieved to find an easy replacement for their confederate flags this week

Citizens of Mississippi have chosen to take today’s supreme court ruling on the chin, stating that while they were largely against the idea of same-sex couples getting married, when it comes down to it they’re just glad not to be left in the minority, given how Mississippians tend to treat minorities.

“If anything the supreme court’s ruling got us out of a real pickle,” said Missisippi’s Governor during a meeting with the press this morning. “Sure we’re not too keen on the issue of same-sex marriage, but hey if it’s the choice of being forced into it unwillingly, or getting shat on for being the last place in the English speaking world to still deny people a basic legal right I know which I’d rather. Sucks to be you Australia, you crazy banjo playing rednecks.”

It’s not all bad news for Australia though, with tourism expected to skyrocket due to the novelty of visiting a country fixated on preserving outdated ways of living. “It will be just like stepping into a timewarp,” said one enthusiastic Texan who has already booked flights down under. “Can you imagine a place in the world where they still don’t let certain people get married? It’ll be just like those Amish towns… only even more out of touch because I guess same-sex couples can legally marry in an Amish town now. Boy that place really is stuck in the past, what’s next are they gonna bring back knights and pretend science doesn’t exist? Haha could you imagine?”

The nation of Australia was unable to be contacted for comment in relation to this piece due to collectively hiding their faces out of shame.