Minister Opens Tender to Remove Proposed Monument

The Minister for Roads and Ports Duncan Gay has today opened a government tender process seeking applications to remove a hypothetical monument in Taylor Square, pending the monument’s actual creation. Citing possible traffic concerns, the Minister insisted that the statue, sculpture or installation piece will be dangerous and distracting to drivers who swerve off the road and into Taylor Square. “Although we haven’t seen any plans, drawings nor do we have any real idea what the monument will look like at the present time, we’re absolutely certain it will be a serious hazard.” says Mr Gay.

Responding to allegations that the public square falls out of his jurisdiction as Roads Minister, Mr Gay retorted “The Eastern Distributor travels directly under the Square, and there is always the risk that the large number of tourists standing in the square photographing the monument will cause the ground to collapse beneath them, putting them directly in the line of oncoming traffic. And that’s just not a risk I or the government are willing to take.”

However despite the touted plans, the Liberal Party may face an uphill battle to have the imaginary monument removed, given no applications have yet been made to take up the government tender, following the mass exodus of construction industry leaders since the inquiry into union corruption was launched earlier this month.

A Facebook campaign has launched in response to the Minister’s tender, pleading with the Government to not plan to remove the statue or sculpture if it is built. The DIY-Monument movement has already gathered thousands of likes on Facebook, with many members sharing pictures of their own impromptu chalk drawn plans to possibly build something in vacant squares in the future.

In related news, concerns have also been raised in Parliament by the Reverend Fred Nile over Taylor Square following a false advertising complaint claiming that Taylor Square is actually an irregular trapezoid. A motion filed by Rev. Nile to rectify the name to Deviant Square is expected to pass through the Upper House later this week.

This Sauce report originally aired on 2ser FM as part of the 2014 Mardi Gras special.