Kevin Andrews and Malcolm Turnbull to Undergo Free Relationship Counselling

CANBERRA: Sources inside parliament house tonight have indicated Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Liberal backbencher Kevin Andrews are to undergo relationship counselling following comments made to the media by Andrews, indicating a possible divorce between the Liberal party and the sitting PM. The backbencher Mr Andrews has indicated he feels this is the best possible outcome for the two, especially considering he still has “three dumptrucks worth of free relationship counselling coupons” that still haven’t been used since his ill fated marriage counselling government program got shelved in 2014.

Experts in divorce say Malcolm and Andrews fall into of the highest risk group for relationship troubles as sitting members of Parliament, with one in five Prime Ministers having filed for a divorce with their former parties due to irreconcilable differences in the last ten years.

Prime Minister Turnbull says he feels it is his responsibility to make things work with Andrews for the sake of the nation’s kids, who have already been suffering enough with all the bullying since the repeal of the Safe Schools program last month.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, friends of the Prime Minister have conceded that although they have openly been supportive of his relationship with the Liberal party, they never really expected his fling to last as long as it has. “They’re just so different you know, and I’ve never really understood what he saw in them,” said one former schoolmate of Turnbulls. “He changed himself so much just to get them to like him, but even then they never seem to match up. He likes attending Mardi Gras, they like blocking gay marriage; he likes fast internet, they like copper wire; he likes carbon taxes, they like the prospect of all life on earth being slowly cooked alive. It was never made to last.”