Treasurer Joe Hockey has announced his intention to take a week off work amidst the ongoing furore over house pricing, with the treasurer seeking medical treatment for an inherited condition that has left a silver spoon lodged in his mouth since birth. The disfigurement has reportedly been common in the treasurer’s family for generations, though Joe, as a public figure, is the first to attempt treatment.
Mr Hockey has said he hopes that people will begin to see him for his experience and talent over a minor birth defect should the operation prove to be a success. “People have always dismissed my views on housing because of the spoon,” said Joe to the National Press Club, “but if people would just look past my spoon they’d see I’m the most qualified person to talk about house prices, what with the four houses I already own.”
The removal of the treasurer’s spoon will be a ground-breaking operation for modern medicine, which could revolutionise the treatment of out of touch politicians world over. However despite the potential benefits, the untested procedure will not be without its risks. “It will definitely be a tricky operation” says Dr A. MacQueen, Mr Hockey’s surgeon for the procedure. “While there are any number of things that could go wrong, our biggest concern is the risk of having to work around Mr Hockey’s foot, which he is liable to place in his mouth at any time without warning.”
According to Mr Hockey the spoon will be melted down once removed, and sold to the Chinese to help balance the nation’s finances, rather than being placed in Mr Hockey’s sprawling silverware collection. “I’ve learned there are more important things in life than inherited silver,” says Joe. “All I need to be happy is my health, my friends, and my wife’s 10 million dollar portfolio of property across three different states. It’s the little things in life that are important.”