Government Raises Spoiler Alert Level to Critical

The Australian government has this week raised the national spoiler alert rating to its highest level, warning of an imminent threat to moviegoers ahead of the premiere of the much-anticipated film, Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Attorney-General, and former Minister for the Dark Arts, George Brandis, issued a heavily breathed statement yesterday, warning that rebel groups of radically inconsiderate youths are concocting plots and the means to divulge those plots on a mass scale in order to turn the film into a box office bomb.

Security chiefs and intelligence agencies have also expressed concern over the threat of lone actors who may have been recruited by overseas groups returning to Australia with knowledge of how the film ends. Officials urge citizens to be cautious and on the lookout for any suspicious or awkward behaviour by possibly costumed fanatics carrying improvised weapons and advise moviegoers to protect themselves with condescension and contempt.