The Abbott Administration has launched a stunning attack on the Australian boom mic industry, accusing boom mics across the nation of colluding in a plot to overthrow the Government.
In a statement written in the space between Peter Dutton’s eyes, Tony Abbott has accused a “powerful boom mic lobby” of attempting to undermine his administrations authority, by recording exactly what they say so people can hear it.
“Frankly, it’s a disgrace”, said Abbott. “It’s clear to me that these pieces of audio equipment are seeking to destroy my reputation, and the reputations of my colleagues, by allowing people to hear exactly what we are saying. This is completely unfair to us.”
“I have always said that inanimate objects have a well-known left-wing bias, and it’s now being proven by how these microphones repeatedly keep carrying out these heinous and treasonous acts, like recording our words unedited”.
Immigration Minister and amateur cheek model, Peter Dutton, is at the centre of the controversy, after a boom mic captured him making light of the fact that Papua New Guinea is facing critically-rising sea-levels as a result of Climate Change.
Said Dutton of the matter, “Obviously, there is a ‘jihad’ against this Government by several elements of the audio technology industry – not just boom mics, but shotgun mics, 3.5mm headphone jacks, those three-prong connectors, everything”.
“It’s completely unfair that my comments were recorded like that. I said those words in a private conversation in front of only a few dozen cameras and underneath just one giant mic. Clearly, I did not want to be recorded”
Despite the serious nature of the accusations, several well-known boom mics in the community have declined to make a statement at this stage, and one prominent microphone is understood to be seeking legal advice.