Gail Kelly Steps Down as Christine Lagarde

In news that shocked the financial world this week, Westpac CEO and Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund, Gail Kelly, has announced she is stepping down from her role as Christine Lagarde, leaving the position open for a new, thin, grey-haired, 58 year-old business woman to take over.

Ms. Kelly had been Christine Lagarde, the high-profile head of the IMF, since 2011 according to near-sighted viewers of Sky Business News. Asked whether anyone would replace her as Christine Lagarde, Kelly stated prophetically, “There is another!” before smashing a snow globe into the ground and escaping into the mist.

Financial officials are hoping that another mature, wispy, managerial woman will step up before the next winter solstice. Worried economists have since placed Julia Gillard in a crisper in case a replacement is not found.