Faceless Man Becomes Preferred PM

Opinion polls published in the Sydney Morning Herald have shown a dramatic shift this week following the Abbott government’s announced budget, leading to a three point spike in preferences for Prime-Ministerial contender the faceless man. However the faceless man, Bill Shorten, who famously cut his off to spite ‘the nose’, has been caught off guard by the swing in his favor remarking “As a political puppet master, I planned this from the very beginning, but wow even I didn’t think the Coalition would cock it up this quickly!” to an empty pressroom.

Economists have theorised that the cost of maintaining a face may have turned off voters who are wary of the country’s deficit. “Plus the ugliest Prime Ministers have always been the most fiscally responsible,” commented Douglas Bailen, a former Howard adviser, “and by forgoing his face entirely Bill Shorten has won over the previously untapped ‘Don’t Know’ faction of voters that can gain upwards of 10% in some preference polls.”

In related news, poll numbers have also risen sharply for a newly disfigured Adelaide politician the Hon. Robby Winton who was hit in the face with an actual pole while campaigning at a bauxite mine in Port Augusta. He has sustained minor spinal injuries, surprising doctors, who were previously unaware politicians had spines at all.