Facebook Announces Plan to Ban Gullible Users

CALIFORNIA – Facebook has today revealed new plans to ban users from their platform who fall for and spread fake stories as real news, as part of it’s new mission to rid the site of misleading and inflammatory satire. This follows an earlier announcement that Facebook would begin tagging satire stories as such in people’s news feeds, replacing the title and contents of any shared satiric post with the words “This is satire stupid.”

Users have reacted angrily to the news, with many gullible users taking to the street in protest, out of necessity following their Facebook accounts being banned. CNN is also reporting that Microsoft has joined in talks to team up with Facebook, potentially locking gullible users out of their entire computer should they inadvertently re-post a satiric link on Facebook. Apple has meanwhile released a statement clarifying that their company has no present plans to lock out users from their operating system, stating that “unlike Windows users, Apple’s customers have never been susceptible to spin and hyperbole”.

Rumor has it that the plans were hastily thrown together at Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s behest, after an embarrassing incident where Zuckerberg CC’d the entire company stating that they “must do something about Al Gore’s repeated claims he invented Facebook”, a story that turned out to be an erroneous satirical report, Al Gore having actually claimed to have invented the entire internet, not just Facebook.

Some users meanwhile seem absolutely delighted by the news, with two un-named British women telling the BBC they were glad they would “finally stop seeing all this misleading gumph about flu shots not causing autism” appearing on their Facebook feeds. Others have said they hold high hopes that Facebook will soon become a more exclusive and cerebral club, where only the most intelligent people get to see pictures of their pets.

Facebook has already faced backlash over their new policy however, with a large proportion of Republican voters being locked out of their profiles late yesterday after a Fox news story was mistaken for satire by Facebook algorithms, leading to a massive drop in intelligent people from the site once the problem was resolved. Facebook has since apologized for the oversight, and said they have manually over-ridden the system with an exemption for Fox News stories, to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Twitter’s supplied comments in relation to this piece have been unfortunately left out due to the Sauce’s character limit.