Edelstens To Divorce If Gays Allowed To Marry, Also If Gays Are Not Allowed To Marry

Newly-wed Melbourne couple Geoffrey and Gabi Edelsten have announced to the press today that they are planning to divorce should gays be allowed to wed, and also if gays are not allowed to wed, citing their longheld reverence for the tradition of divorce.

“As everyone knows, the sanctity of marriage is a fundamental belief of mine,” said Geoffrey, “and I just don’t think I could stay married if the institution was debased by allowing anyone to just wed anyone on a whim.”

“On the other hand,” he continued, “my fifth wife is a firm believer in gay rights, and she has threatened to divorce me in protest if the new same-sex marriage bill doesn’t pass, so it looks like those divorce papers I picked up on the way home from the wedding are already paying off.”

The Edelstens made headlines this week when the 72 year old millionaire and 26 year old multipass enthusiast entered into the historic and traditional institution of marriage in a shotgun wedding at Melbourne airport, surrounded by many of their closest members of airport security. The marriage is said to have taken place in order to exploit a loophole in immigration law, and it is these traditions that Geoffrey fears will be lost if same-sex couples are allowed to debase the sacred holy rite.

Questioned after the wedding whether they were considering having children Geoffrey replied, “Of course, the tradition of marriage has always been centered around the family and I firmly believe the need to reproduce should be crucial to all marriages.” However Mr Edelsten did qualify that for the time being having one child was “more than enough for him”, before ruffling his wife’s hair and offering her a dollar to go buy herself a lollipop.