David Cameron Threatens to Bring Back Slavery if Scotland Votes Yes
An emotional Cameron begged to not go down in history as that Prime Minister

David Cameron has made an impassioned plea in the final days leading up to the vote on Scottish independence, begging the people of Scotland not to make him bring back slavery. The plea comes as it was revealed by the ‘No’ campaign that slavery was abolished while the countries England and Scotland were locked in a personal union, the progress of which Cameron has personally pledged to repeal should Scotland vote to secede this Thursday.

The announcement was made during Mr Cameron’s visit to Aberdeen this week, where he spoke in favor of the Union before all 800 of Scotland’s Conservative supporters. The return to Scotland is something of a victory lap for the Tory leader, who on last visit was plagued with claims that his Conservative-Liberal government would split before finishing it’s full term in office. Now Mr Cameron can now confidently say to critics that his coalition has remained entirely intact, with only the country itself splitting in two.

During his speech to the aptly named ‘No’ campaign, Mr Cameron made a point of emphasizing that the United Kingdom would be destroyed “for good and for ever” should the Scottish vote to independently govern themselves, followed by an audible groan from the entire nation of Wales.

An emotional Cameron pointed out to his supporters that a “yes” vote could potentially cause Scotland many difficulties, such as the loss of the Pound Sterling, the BBC, and an end to uninhibited travel between countries, demonstrating that England would continue to take any and all measures possible to mistreat Scotland even in the event of Scottish independence.

Standing with tear filled eyes in front of a Scottish flag, Cameron said he would be “utterly heartbroken” should Scotland vote to separate from England, proudly announcing he had a heartfelt and personal attachment to Scotland’s oil fields and their shared history of Anglo-Celtic hostility.

Mr Cameron also made a final attempt to win over swing voters, who might seek to vote “yes” in protest of the current government, stating “If you don’t like me, I won’t be here forever. If you don’t like this government, it won’t last forever. Speaking of which, you should hear what the next Labour government is planning for Scotland. Boy then you’d really want to get out of the Union! Anyway… I forget my point. Vote 1 Conservative.”