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Clive Palmer Resigns From Palmer United Party

Billionaire Tycoon and part time dinosaur wrangler Clive Palmer has today announced his resignation from the Palmer United Party, saying he could no longer identify with the direction the party is heading, which is largely downhill.

Speaking to the press, Mr Palmer said that recent moves by his colleague and deputy leader Dio Wang had left him feeling alienated and left out of the fold. “I went to the parliamentary buffet yesterday and who did I see already there but Dio,” says Palmer. “Just how am I supposed to respond knowing that the rest of the party decided to go to lunch and the only person they didn’t invite was me?”

“To be honest,” Palmer went on, “I’ve never really been entirely comfortable as a member of PUP. The idea that a party could just buy it’s way into the balance of power in the Australian senate off the wealth of one influential backer seemed to go against everything democracy should be about, and I’m glad that with my resignation I will no longer have to be associated with that.”

Mr Palmer says he will be looking forward to the free time that will be afforded to him by no longer having to make excuses for missing every party meeting. “I’ll finally have the time to get back to my hobbies” says Clive, “Like building Jurassic themeparks, resurrecting the Titanic, and bringing Michael Jordan out of retirement to play basketball against space aliens.”

Rumors have indicated Mr Palmer may already be in discussions with former colleagues Jaquie Lambie and Greg Lazarus in an attempt to join their newly formed No-Palmer Party, with once source indicating Mr Palmer had already put a $1.5 million offer on the table for them to re-title the party the “No-Palmer Party, Now Featuring Clive Palmer”.

The single remaining Palmer United Party member Dio Wang was unable to be reached for comment for this piece due to his prior commitment of avoiding being seen or heard at all costs.

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