News

Rupert Murdoch Retires, Citing Wish To Spend More Time With Money
Media Tycoon and Sith Lord Rupert Murdoch has signaled his intention to step down as CEO of 21st Century Fox
Australian Public Loses Ability to Distinguish Satire from Real Politics
A new survey released today by the Institute of Public Affairs indicates the Australian public has lost the ability to
SMH Exclusively Covers Telegraph Story About Twitter Rumor of Melbourne Airport Bomb
Sources have confirmed tonight that according to like the Sydney Morning Hearld, the Daily Telegraph totally claimed that the Herald
Train driver goes extra mile for his job, gets fired
Veteran train driver Thomas Percy is looking for work after 50 years of loyal service to the train industry, following
Today and Sunrise Admit to Producing Same Shitty Show for a Year – and No One Noticed!
Morning television shows Today and Sunrise showed rare comradery when both revealed they have been producing the same shitty formulaic show for a year without any viewers picking up on it. “Well it wasn’t exactly to prove a point, but after Karl won so many plaudits with his suit thing we saw an opportunity to get our own praise,” said executive producer of the Today Show, Tim White. The brave journalistic experiment included interviews with clichéd flamboyant Hollywood correspondents at least every 17 minutes, network cross-promotion stories every 12 minutes and an inexplicable combination of discussions on why it’s wrong to judge someone on what they wear and who wore it best at that week’s award ceremony. “Not one viewer said anything to us, it’s a total double standard between shows like ours and the ABC,” explained Mr White
Newspaper Readers Struggling to Cope With Ongoing War in Middle East
It was with heavy hearts that men and women across the Northern Seaboard lifted their newspapers this morning, in what was expected to be just another day in what has been now years of being mildly concerned about international conflict over breakfast. There were no tears shed as news of another bomb blast in Lebanon reached the people of Upper Cheslington, these days it takes a lot to phase these war weary readers. "Some days I don't even feel like I can go on reading," sighed a weary mother of two Anne Woodlow, as she stared distantly into her mocca-latte. "It's just tragedy after tragedy, from war, to terrorism, to whatever unspeakable felony breakfast radio has committed this week". Anne is just one of many victims of years of systematic and unending depressing news, and is one of the few left who are willing to speak up about the war in Syria over the womens-group's brunch at the local golf club. Anne's husband Rich says he's most worried about the effect that the constant reporting of world events is having on his kids
Mechanics Shop Suspiciously Not Covered in Pictures of Naked Women
The Sauce can exclusively reveal that area mechanic Robson's Toolshed is under investigation after a tipoff to the paper indicated that the local mechanic was failing to conform to industry stereotypes. A Sauce reporter has received a copy of at least one complaint lodged with the Fair Dealing Commissioner claiming misleading and deceptive conduct, which alleges the mechanic "inexplicably chose not to hang pictures of naked women throughout her workshop". The Mechanics Union has been contacted by the Sauce, with a spokesperson indicating that the workshop owner may cop a hefty fine, and faces losing her guild license if found to be in breach of other regulations, such as the industry code requiring all mechanics to display "one or more inches of hairy stomach" at all times
McDonalds Worried “Bland and Rubbery” Stem Cell Burger May Raise Consumer Expectations
McDonald’s HQ is said to be in damage control this week with reports that the first synthetically created hamburger has