A high schooler's viral yearbook quote tipped off the soon to be divorced couple

Canberra Couple Destroy High School Diplomas After Learning Gay People Also Allowed to Graduate

A Canberra couple who made the news this week by threatening to divorce over gay marriage has once again made headlines, announcing their intention to destroy their high school diplomas after learning that gay people were also permitted to graduate from high school.

Speaking with the weekend edition of Canberra CityNews, bigamy enthusiast Nick Jensen said the revelation that gay people were allowed to be educated came as a complete shock to him. “My wife and I just celebrated 20 years as high school graduates. But later this year, we may be going back to school,” he writes. “My graduate diploma used to be symbolic of something special to me and my wife, but now that I’ve learned gay people can have their education recognised it seems like little more than a piece of A4 paper to us, certifying we have met the requirements of secondary education to an acceptable level in the eyes of the state.”

“Though some might not understand this, we think it’s the principle of the matter,” Jensen continues. “We’re going down a very slippery slope here as a society. If gay people are allowed to finish high school then what’s to stop a dog from graduating? Before we know it there will be dogs driving taxis and running corporations, and we’ll all be forced to walk on leashes and eat out of dog bowls. This is not a future we want to live in.”

The couple say that despite the difficulties it may cause finding work, they are in fact looking forward to regressing back to uneducated children. “It won’t be a huge change for us really,” says Sarah Jensen. “Throwing tantrums over inconsequential things comes quite naturally to us anyway.”

“Plus it will be nice to return to a segment of society where homophobia is still accepted and I can use the insult ‘gay’ without somebody getting all offended. I’m certain it’ll be exactly the same as 20 years ago, and I’ll bet the kids in school today are going to absolutely love us and our homophobic, conservative world views.”

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39 Responses

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  1. Joe Blow
    Jun 13, 2015 - 06:54 PM

    I don’t understand why such ignorance and stupidity must frequently make headlines. Yes, everyone has feelings and has an entitlement to an opinion… This is a pretty extreme reaction that appears to be fuelled by such a strong response from the media. I wonder if it were ignored, would their reactions be different? Frankly, I think they get off on the attention and the more they get, the more they will carry on. My response would be to get over it. No one is making them marry the same sex, no one is making them graduate as a homosexual, no one is making them go to a gay wedding. There are more important things to worry about… How about getting on with your life and stop worrying about other peoples?

    Reply
    • Orietta
      Jun 15, 2015 - 10:38 AM

      I am inclined to agree with you Joe.

      Reply
    • Matt
      Jun 17, 2015 - 09:23 PM

      Joe, you do realise this site is satirical, right?

      Reply
  2. Disgusted
    Jun 13, 2015 - 08:09 PM

    The media sure does have a lot of explaining to do.
    So many missing kids and people in this country that are lost in family’s memories because small minded people get the attention for ridiculous reasons and the need to find those missing family members gets lost in the meantime.
    I do believe here in Australia everyone has the right to an education regardless of nationality or sexual preference.
    How many times have that couple gone to a place where odds are they would have been served by a gay person and not even known it. I say get the fuck over yourselves get a life, and tantrums are for the less fortunate and young children. Not grown adults.

    Reply
    • Bruce Devereaux @ Big Family Little Income
      Jun 16, 2015 - 05:59 PM

      There’s room in the media for all the stories – good, bad and light entertainment. What these people did by making their silly ‘we’ll get a divorce’ statement is to highlight even more grandly how silly the idea is that we as a society continue to go forward being discriminatory towards gay people. And it IS important. It affects a LOT of people.

      Reply
  3. Frustrated
    Jun 13, 2015 - 09:27 PM

    Fuck you Sarah and Nick Jensen. What gives you the right to compare Homosexuals with dogs? The only dogs are you, trying to get your 5 minutes of fame. I hope you get your stupid divorce, which I might add is a SIN and will probably send you to hell! You both disgust me. God help your children if they ever turn out to be gay. I can only imagine the pain and suffering they would have to go through if they were to be brought up by you two close minded idiots. Fuck you

    Reply
  4. j.c
    Jun 13, 2015 - 10:26 PM

    Darl, despite your valid point. Its satire.

    Reply
  5. kgb
    Jun 13, 2015 - 11:09 PM

    Can we please stop giving these people attention! Let’s act like adults, put these two in the naughty corner for 38 minutes for just shear ignorance and stupidity and us as the mature adults go and stack the dishwasher ignoring their tantrums.

    Reply
  6. rachel
    Jun 14, 2015 - 07:51 AM

    In news just released the Jensens are also refusing to shop at their local shoppung centre as gay people frequent the area. they were going to grow their own food until they discoveted the owner of the nursery was a lesbian.

    Reply
  7. Chris
    Jun 14, 2015 - 08:15 AM

    It’s a joke folks. Not real. Satire…

    Reply
  8. JMK
    Jun 14, 2015 - 09:46 AM

    Wow…how the fuck did Nick and Sarah graduate from High School in the first place? Their comments are so uneducated and immature, they have had their 5 minutes of fame and their chances of gaining employment would now be minimal and it probably be with someone with the same fucked up thoughts and attitude.

    It is no longer pre 1980’s where homophobia may have been the norm I am not gay but I have a healthy respect for them, my daughter’s boyfriend turned out to be gay but I respect him because he was young and confused about his sexuality but was man enough to discuss it with her and he made time to talk to us and his parents.

    Get a real education and reality check.

    Reply
  9. Overreacting in Mayfair
    Jun 14, 2015 - 10:48 AM

    Can we please stop interpreting satire articles as actual news!

    Reply
    • dennis
      Jun 14, 2015 - 01:18 PM

      Amen I see this on my Facebook all the time

      Reply
      • Dave Haldane
        Jun 15, 2015 - 08:43 AM

        Nah we can’t have that. The stupid comments are almost as funny as the original article. It does concern me that people can think it’s legitimate when there are such overtly stupid lines as “What’s next? Dogs driving taxis?”. Not sure what’s more distressing; the fact that people believe that’s something people would say… or the fact that there are people out there who would probably genuinely say it!

        Reply
  10. robbie
    Jun 14, 2015 - 12:42 PM

    Its a piss take u idiots

    Reply
  11. FunB
    Jun 14, 2015 - 01:01 PM

    It’s sad to see two “adults” carry on like this. Obviously they never graduated as its shown with the attention seeking. Destroy your diploma which obviously don’t have, divorce and a n reality no one cares what you think or feel. There’s a big gap here in Sydney just a few hours drive from Canberra. Come and I’m sure there are many of us who would applaud if you jump of it.

    Reply
  12. Alison Trafford
    Jun 14, 2015 - 03:09 PM

    Don’t give them any publicity and they’ll have to find their 15 minutes of fame with an actual talent that they may have!!!

    Reply
  13. E.H
    Jun 14, 2015 - 03:26 PM

    I just had a thought of God…. Did God ever extinct all the demons in world? If he has tolerance for such why can’t Christian learn what tolerance truly means? Not implying gay are demon (I am gay myself) but if hate is there in these so called Christian, I don’t think I will ever want to become one.

    The thing they call Principles is to me seem very subjective to what their liking are.

    Reply
  14. P.L.
    Jun 14, 2015 - 04:03 PM

    Wait till they find out that gay people can drive! And catch public transport! They’ll never leave their house.

    Oh and gays use the Internet too :)

    Reply
  15. Brad
    Jun 14, 2015 - 05:28 PM

    Do they know that “gays” also drink from bubblers. And eat using the cutlery in the same restaurant they eat at.
    I think they have probably already caught ‘Gayness’ it’s too late for them both. He’s going to be next Miss Mardi Grass 2016 and she is going to buy a Harley.
    It’s only takes one exposure to gay saliva and you become a raging homosexual.

    Reply
  16. Fed-Up
    Jun 14, 2015 - 08:45 PM

    I’m sick and tired of paid shills coming here and telling people that the good people at The Sauce are producing “Satirical News Articles”. This is a disgrace and these people should be hounded down and taken to court for defamation!
    Additionally, I hate this man and his wife. They’re ignorant pigs.

    Reply
  17. Marty
    Jun 14, 2015 - 11:18 PM

    I think you’re right dude, I’d probably think again about going back to school. Your out dated, narrow minded and offensive opinions will unlikely make you very popular in society. Most the general public like living in a world where everybody gets treated equal and not one where you’re right to education is dependant on whom you sleep with. Grow up, get a life and welcome to 2015… :)

    Reply
  18. John Murray
    Jun 14, 2015 - 11:45 PM

    The dingo ate my baby. What has happened to the intellect of Australia? It’s SATIRE which means it’s not real, it’s a witty joke – get it?

    Reply
  19. Dogatemyhomework
    Jun 15, 2015 - 04:23 AM

    Only a diploma? If they had more intelligence they would have a Masters Degree and realise gays are people too

    Reply
  20. Kristian Channon
    Jun 15, 2015 - 05:39 AM

    A dog with or without a diploma is more intelligent than Nick Jensen and his wife.

    Reply
  21. Charmaine Carney
    Jun 15, 2015 - 10:24 AM

    It might surprise you to know that homosexuals bleed RED blood , just like you !

    Reply
  22. Sarah-Jane
    Jun 15, 2015 - 01:37 PM

    I think you’ll find that the youth of today have no place for spiteful judgement. it’s just sad your passionate stance means you’re missing out on the most open, accepting and changing generation yet but you’re both stuck in the past so please stay there

    Reply
  23. Anon
    Jun 15, 2015 - 08:24 PM

    >2015
    >People are still religious and homophobic.

    Just let that sink in

    Reply
  24. james Halstead
    Jun 15, 2015 - 08:31 PM

    Hahaha at genuine replies to this

    Reply
  25. Sheenna Budnik
    Jun 16, 2015 - 01:30 AM

    Dogs drive cars? Don’t they watch the news? We have the technology to teach a dog to drive a car! So yeah… Little behind the curve ball idiots. And did you know dogs take public transportation? It’s called a service dog and yes I am sure there is one in a CEO position. I am sure there is a blind or handi-living CEO out there with a dog named brewski.

    Choke on that bone you effin loons.

    Reply
  26. Don
    Jun 16, 2015 - 05:24 AM

    I thought this type of ignorance was a thing of the past, but it’s obvious that it is alive and thriving. From what I’ve be reading there appears to be a lot of young people conveying this hate, and this is directly related to what their parents have taught them. I really find this type of behavior in this day and age to be barbaric and clearly shows these individuals to uneducated, ignorant, and shows the parents raised the children to be morally bankrupt, just as they are.

    Reply
  27. Nobody
    Jun 16, 2015 - 08:32 AM

    Is this even real?

    Reply
  28. Elizabeth
    Jun 16, 2015 - 12:33 PM

    Wait till they find out that gay people are allowed to go to church…

    Reply
  29. Ju
    Jun 16, 2015 - 03:18 PM

    Just got one question?

    Who cares for what they do/think/say?

    It wont change anyone’s lives so.. media get over it. Seriously… find something else to write about.

    Reply
  30. Beven
    Jun 17, 2015 - 04:40 AM

    I want someone to tell them that gay people breathe oxygen, the problem should go away quickly after that.

    Reply
  31. Kevred
    Jun 17, 2015 - 09:50 AM

    I wonder if they own iPhones – Will they destroy them when they find out the CEO is gay. Hilarious.

    Reply
  32. Keith Pitt
    Jun 17, 2015 - 02:47 PM

    Their Graduate Diplomas are obviously fake any. Easily identified by their uneducated views on homosexuality. These two idiots would make it living in an uneducated, primitive manner. Let’s how they go with teh new Work for the Dole scheme.

    Reply
  33. Tim
    Jun 17, 2015 - 05:39 PM

    And in other news, the Jensens refuse to breath due to the fact gay people breath the same air. lol. Would be a nice story too.

    Reply
  34. Annette
    Jun 17, 2015 - 06:40 PM

    In the bible it states ‘do unto others as you would have done unto you’, for these couple who call themselves Christians devoted ones at that they talk the talk pity they cant walk the walk. If you dont value your marriage vows well thats on you no one really cares a too hoot whether they divorce or not dont hide behind the excuse of gay people. We teach our kids that God is good God is just God is merciful God is forgiveness and God is love. God also said he who is without sin cast the first stone. We teach our kids to treat all human beings fairly that all men and women are created equal. To love and to be love is a precious gift who are we to deny this privilege.

    Reply

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