Canberra Couple Destroy High School Diplomas After Learning Gay People Also Allowed to Graduate
A high schooler's viral yearbook quote tipped off the soon to be divorced couple

A Canberra couple who made the news this week by threatening to divorce over gay marriage has once again made headlines, announcing their intention to destroy their high school diplomas after learning that gay people were also permitted to graduate from high school.

Speaking with the weekend edition of Canberra CityNews, bigamy enthusiast Nick Jensen said the revelation that gay people were allowed to be educated came as a complete shock to him. “My wife and I just celebrated 20 years as high school graduates. But later this year, we may be going back to school,” he writes. “My graduate diploma used to be symbolic of something special to me and my wife, but now that I’ve learned gay people can have their education recognised it seems like little more than a piece of A4 paper to us, certifying we have met the requirements of secondary education to an acceptable level in the eyes of the state.”

“Though some might not understand this, we think it’s the principle of the matter,” Jensen continues. “We’re going down a very slippery slope here as a society. If gay people are allowed to finish high school then what’s to stop a dog from graduating? Before we know it there will be dogs driving taxis and running corporations, and we’ll all be forced to walk on leashes and eat out of dog bowls. This is not a future we want to live in.”

The couple say that despite the difficulties it may cause finding work, they are in fact looking forward to regressing back to uneducated children. “It won’t be a huge change for us really,” says Sarah Jensen. “Throwing tantrums over inconsequential things comes quite naturally to us anyway.”

“Plus it will be nice to return to a segment of society where homophobia is still accepted and I can use the insult ‘gay’ without somebody getting all offended. I’m certain it’ll be exactly the same as 20 years ago, and I’ll bet the kids in school today are going to absolutely love us and our homophobic, conservative world views.”