Tony Abbott Moves Spill Vote Forward to 5pm Yesterday
Prime Minister Tony Abbott has declared a unanimous victory against would-be challengers following an announcement this morning that he decided to move the leadership vote to 5pm yesterday. In what Abbott is describing as a "captains call", the outgoing and incumbent PM explained that it had been in everyone's interests that the spill be over and done with as soon as possible, leading Abbott the call an extra-ordinary party meeting last night as he was preparing for dinner.
The move is being seen by political commentators as an attempt by Abbott to stifle the chances of rival Malcolm Turnbull, by exploiting Turbull's inability to travel backwards in time.
"To, ahh, be honest, I think Malcolm's no show at last night's meeting shows just how unfit, just how unfit, for the top job, he really is." said Tony at this morning's press briefing, over the course of twelve minutes. "In fact, I, ahh, was the only member of the party, ahh, on the ball enough to even be there at the meeting after I sent the email out at, ahh, 4:45pm, and that alone, that alone, really demonstrates that I'm the only person, the, ahh, only person, truly suited to this job."