Following revelations that the Immigration Department accidentally leaked the passport details of several World Leaders, ASIO has reiterated its commitment to making sure you don’t find out when your information has been leaked.
In a statement left on everyone’s answering machines, ASIO Director and Judi Dench impersonator, Duncan Lewis, spoke of his disappointment at the fact that people found out about the breach of private data, and promised that his organisation will do everything in its power to make sure no one finds out about something like this again.
“Obviously, we are disappointed in what’s happened with the breach of information that we breached the information of several world leaders, including Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, Angela Merkel, and other people who I don’t know the names of but are probably pissed”.
“I am shocked and saddened that this intelligence has got out. We take the privacy of the Government’s incompetence very seriously, almost as much as we enjoy collecting everyone else’s information”.
“I promise to the Australian people, and to people the world over, that next time we accidentally email the passport details of a world leader to the organiser of an international soccer tournament, you will not hear about it”.
The latest comments from ASIO have received the backing of Attorney-General George Brandis, who has announced plans to introduce a controversial new “metadata metadata bill” to Parliament. The new law will be designed to ensure that any data, about how ASIO is collecting and leaking everyone’s data, is kept secure and safe from the public.
“This is a very important law to have in place, for the safety of the country”, said Brandis, at a press conference held between the two distinct patches of hair on his head.
“It is important that we safeguard this information from those who wish to use it to harm the Government, simply because they ‘deserve to not have their data misused’”.