The United States of America has been left reeling after a series of natural disasters hit the nation, just days after the Supreme Court voted to uphold Obamacare and legalize Same-Sex Marriage.
In a stunning turn of events, almost immediately after the first marriage license was issued to a same-sex couple in Texas, the state was hit by 45 tornadoes simultaneously.
At the same time, just as two loving and committed people in Alabama celebrated finally being able to legally recognize their bond, the region was hit by 17 different earthquakes.
Similar disasters were reported to occur across the nation. The state of Tennessee was hit by several severe swarms of locusts, just as a single working mother in Memphis finally became able to afford an operation on her knee.
“I knew this was going to happen!!”, said one citizen, who refused to identify himself out of fear that the locusts would find his Facebook page and hunt him down.
“I TOLD everyone that if we allow two devoted people to be given the same basic legal right as the rest of the nation, or we take care of those poor people who can’t take care of themselves, that the country would be destroyed by a series of unrelated meteorological events!!. No one believed me!!”
Several fundamentalist Christians, primarily in the Southern states, attributed the disasters to the actions of God.
“The nation has invoked the wrath of God!!”, screamed one South Carolina pastor, right after his state was hit by 112 individual forest fires and, in a different part, a giant flood.
“I can’t believe they ever thought that an all-loving God would be okay with the marriage of two people who love each other!”
“And don’t even get me started on Satan’s handiwork, Obamacare! I’m pretty sure God hates the fact that the poor keep getting blessed”
In a press release, the Obama Administration has issued a warning that more severe disasters could be on the horizon.
“We’re currently discussing the legality of the Confederate flag, and what we should do about the effects of Climate Change. As such, we encourage all families and individuals across this great nation to invest in an underground shelter”