In a desperate move to boost his popularity and sense of self-worth, Prime Minister Tony Abbott is lobbying to be adopted by the Royal Family.
The PM released this statement on Monday: “Everyone loves the royal baby, and its popularity is what I as Prime Minister should be aiming for. Now despite the fact that I have been running this country like a spoilt, entitled child I just haven’t been getting those same numbers. This is the next illogical step in my career.”
Upon hearing the news Prince Charles said, “Tony recently sat an IQ test for us. The results confirmed that he has the intelligence of an eight year old. I have no issue with the adoption.”
Asked why he thought the Royal baby is more deserving of attention than the mass of children locked up in Nauru the PM quipped, “ain’t nobody got time for that” before boarding a plane to London.
The adoption is set to be finalised by next Tuesday with Mr Turnbull taking over as leader. His first policy is rumoured to be the immediate cutting of ties with the monarchy and their new adopted child.