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Abbott Government Running Out of Election Promises to Break

It was a sullen Tony Abbott that fronted the Coalition’s monthly press briefing this morning, announcing to a packed media room that the Coalition is unable to find any more promises from their pre-election manifesto for the party to break.

“We’ve made, um cuts to um education, we um are privatising um part of the ah health sector, um we um are um reducing um um the um ABC and SBS’s funding, we um are raising the age of um ahhhh um pensions and um we ah cut my ah hair this ah morning.” said Abbott, “I um even ah re um intro um duced ah knighthoods, and um that ah was a pretty hard um promise to ah even eh remember.”

In order to find new areas to break promises the Coalition has even gone so far as to break a promise to backpedal on an existing broken promise, announcing cuts to the education sector before rescinding and then announcing cuts to the education sector again. “That was a really tough one to pull off,” said Minister for High Pants Christopher Pyne, “it’s not easy to renege on a promise three times in the course of a few months…” before being drowned out by the Socialist Alliance.

However, the Prime Minister has assured the public that he will come up with new policies to contradict before the next election, possibly even by borrowing a page from the opposition’s book. “One option we’re exploring is maybe introducing a Carbon Tax.” says Abbott “At this point it’s about the only election promise this government hasn’t broken.”

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