3 White Men Run for Leadership of Nation’s Most Progressive Party

In an attempt to demonstrate they are able to hold leadership spills just as well as the two major parties, the Greens have today elected a new leader, Dr Richard Di Natale, a former GP from Melbourne often described in political circles as “who?”.

Rival contenders for the role of party leader were hashtag enthusiast Scott “Hash” Ludlam, who was late to the vote due to suffering an injury at the local skatepark; and lower house representative/man with squiggly red line under his name Adam Bandt, who was shunned by colleagues in the vote for his tendency to lean slightly to the right of the middleground of far left politics.

Former leader Christine Milne’s resignation shocked the media and caught veteran political commentators by surprise, with many journalists stating they were not aware that there was a third party in Australian politics.

Political adversary Prime Minister Abbott acknowledged Milne’s resignation in his afternoon address, stating that the transfer of leadership was a clear indication that the Greens were out of control, crippled by internal fighting, and unfit to run the country.

“While I recognise Christine’s long service to this parliament, presumably ironing the clothes of male politicians,” said Tony, “we should also never forget that this was a woman who headed up one of Australia’s most dangerous political parties, and who spent years pushing a radical agenda of gun reform, gay rights and protections for the agriculture industry. I think we should all reflect on that before blindly praising her just because she’s now dead and or retired.”

Despite her pledge to step down from politics before the next election, commentators have not completely written off Milne’s future political prospects. “Wouldn’t be surprised if we see Christine brought back to lead the party again some day,” tweeted Laurie Oaks after the vote. “They may not be too keen on Christine, but if there’s one thing the Greens do love above all else, it’s recycling!”

Mr Oaks has since retracted his comments said he was deeply sorry for the lame pun.